Monday, March 2, 2015

It's Not Writer's Block

But I can't write. I've been at home from work for two weeks now and I can't concentrate long enough to string two sentences together. The writer in me is torn between blogging about my feelings and using this experience as the basis for my next book. What am I thinking? I don't write medicals! And there's something medical - quite possibly neurological - wrong with me. I have been tested and seen specialists, now I'm waiting for more tests and more specialists. All the while I am home. Completely unexcited about writing or even catching up on my favorite TV shows. At best I keep myself distracted. If I'm unable to write a new book, at least I can promote an old one or post book spotlights for other authors or keep myself up-to-date on Twitter. The Internet has replaced day-time TV. And I'm so tired all I want to do is sleep. Or lie down. Or at least sit.

And I think about calling or texting my friends who don't know I'm at home. And something holds me back. Fear. Sympathy. Having to live through it all again each time I relay my story. And the crux of it all. You know who your friends are when you get sick. That old saying has a lot of truth in it. My husband became sick about six and a half years ago. He was later diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. People treat you differently once they know. They probably go through the same gauntlet of emotions we did. Disbelief. Fear. Guilt. Avoidance. Similar to the grieving process. But we don't get a day off from our own health issues. When you have your health, you truly have everything.

I enjoy thinking up blog post topics. I'll turn 35 this year and, as it's a momentous occasion, I decided I would put together a list - 35 things I wanted to do before I turned 35. First of all, I couldn't even think of 35 things... And I could only think of 2 things left to accomplish - both of which were completely too far-fetched to be realistic goals. My list included finishing my education, getting married, having children, buying a house, taking my kids to Disney World, completing my concert bucket list, going to NYC, and publishing a book. 8 things. Out of my whole life. I have simple tastes. I wish my husband's, and now my, health situations were better, but on a whole, I am happy with my life. Despite it all, I am happy. I have no desire to sky dive or go on Africa safari - I wish those who do all the luck in the world. I don't need a new car, the latest designer purse or a $500 pair of shoes to float my boat. I am happy with what I have.

Although, I'll still try to achieve the last 2 things. I mean who doesn't want to be a voice in an animated Disney movie or "see" their book come alive on the silver screen?

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